Just For The Fun
3 deltagere
Side 3 af 3
Side 3 af 3 • 
1, 2, 3
Just For The Fun
Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:45 pm
Wise Old Man
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:45 pm
Hvad er den farligste plante i verden?
Svar- En åkande, man dør hvis du står under den i 5 min.
Svar- En åkande, man dør hvis du står under den i 5 min.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:46 pm
The Blonde and the Blinker
Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:46 pm
Sex Therapy - Florida Style
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:47 pm
Strangers on a Train
A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.
"I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get ten dollars. You ask me a question first." The farmer thinks for a while.
"I know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to climb up a palm tree, and ten seconds to get back down?" The scientist is confused and thinks long and hard about the question. Finally, the train ride is coming to an end. As it pulls into the station, the scientist takes out ten dollars and gives it to the farmer.
"I don''t know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to get up a palm tree and ten seconds to get back down?"
The farmer takes the ten dollars and puts it into his pocket. He then takes out one dollar and hands it to the scientist.
"I don''t know."
A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.
"I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get ten dollars. You ask me a question first." The farmer thinks for a while.
"I know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to climb up a palm tree, and ten seconds to get back down?" The scientist is confused and thinks long and hard about the question. Finally, the train ride is coming to an end. As it pulls into the station, the scientist takes out ten dollars and gives it to the farmer.
"I don''t know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to get up a palm tree and ten seconds to get back down?"
The farmer takes the ten dollars and puts it into his pocket. He then takes out one dollar and hands it to the scientist.
"I don''t know."
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:48 pm
The Eyes Have It
Why do men find it hard to make eye contact with women?
Breasts don't have eyes!
Why do men find it hard to make eye contact with women?
Breasts don't have eyes!
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:50 pm
Nine Comments to Take Back
Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the r owing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the r owing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:50 pm
Rooster
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.
So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, Yeah, Ive got this great rooster named Chuck. Hell service every chicken you got, no problem.
Well, Chuck the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides hed be worth it. So, he buys Chuck. The farmer takes Chuck home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, Chuck, I want you to pace yourself now. Youve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, Ill need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun, the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Chuck seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Chuck took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Chuck nails every hen in the hen house - - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Chuck is in there. Later, the farmer sees Chuck after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again, - WHAM! - He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Chuck out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraughtworried that his expensive rooster wont even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Chuck dead as a doorknobstone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, Oh Chuck, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what youve done to yourself.
Chuck opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, Shhhh, theyre getting closer.....
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.
So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, Yeah, Ive got this great rooster named Chuck. Hell service every chicken you got, no problem.
Well, Chuck the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides hed be worth it. So, he buys Chuck. The farmer takes Chuck home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, Chuck, I want you to pace yourself now. Youve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, Ill need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun, the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Chuck seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Chuck took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Chuck nails every hen in the hen house - - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Chuck is in there. Later, the farmer sees Chuck after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again, - WHAM! - He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Chuck out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraughtworried that his expensive rooster wont even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Chuck dead as a doorknobstone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, Oh Chuck, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what youve done to yourself.
Chuck opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, Shhhh, theyre getting closer.....
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:51 pm
The Wonder Bra
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Question. Why is it called the wonder bra?
Answer. Because when they take it off you wonder where her boobs went.
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Question. Why is it called the wonder bra?
Answer. Because when they take it off you wonder where her boobs went.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:52 pm
Mopeds and Fat Ladies
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:53 pm
Top 10 Country Music Titles
1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven and Your Buns in The Bed.
2. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
3. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
4. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
5. She's Leaving Me Because She Really Wants To.
6. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger.
7. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better.
8. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, Then I'd be Out By Now.
9. I Married Her Because She Looks Like You.
10. I Hate Every Bone In Your Body, Except For Mine.
1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven and Your Buns in The Bed.
2. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
3. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
4. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
5. She's Leaving Me Because She Really Wants To.
6. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger.
7. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better.
8. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, Then I'd be Out By Now.
9. I Married Her Because She Looks Like You.
10. I Hate Every Bone In Your Body, Except For Mine.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:53 pm
Food for the Hungry
Three drifters are roaming the countryside for some time. They come upon a small farmhouse with crops planted around it. They are very hungry, thirsty, and tired so the first guy suggests they steal some food.
The second says they should ask for food, so he then goes up and knocks on the door and an old, ugly lady answers. He asks for food and she agrees - but only under one condition. They must have sex with her.
The first drifter says no, the lady is too ugly, and goes back into the woods.
The third guy is very hungry and agrees. He enters the cottage and goes into a corner near a pile of corn to transact his business with the old lady. The old lady is ready, but the guy says he'll only do it if she's blindfolded.
So she puts on a blindfold and bends over. Quickly the guy grabs an ear of corn and sticks it inside the old lady, then throws it out the window. The woman says, "Again," and the man does the same thing. Satisfied, she gives the man some food and he leaves. As he is walking out of the farmhouse, he comes upon the other two guys.
"Guess what?" the first guy says, "while you screwed that old hag we found two ears of cream corn!"
Three drifters are roaming the countryside for some time. They come upon a small farmhouse with crops planted around it. They are very hungry, thirsty, and tired so the first guy suggests they steal some food.
The second says they should ask for food, so he then goes up and knocks on the door and an old, ugly lady answers. He asks for food and she agrees - but only under one condition. They must have sex with her.
The first drifter says no, the lady is too ugly, and goes back into the woods.
The third guy is very hungry and agrees. He enters the cottage and goes into a corner near a pile of corn to transact his business with the old lady. The old lady is ready, but the guy says he'll only do it if she's blindfolded.
So she puts on a blindfold and bends over. Quickly the guy grabs an ear of corn and sticks it inside the old lady, then throws it out the window. The woman says, "Again," and the man does the same thing. Satisfied, she gives the man some food and he leaves. As he is walking out of the farmhouse, he comes upon the other two guys.
"Guess what?" the first guy says, "while you screwed that old hag we found two ears of cream corn!"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:55 pm
Coming Home Late
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?'...and she's always sound asleep!"
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?'...and she's always sound asleep!"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:56 pm
The Bus Driver
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 1:56 pm
Hat Den Guddommelige skrev:The Bus Driver
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
SKAL LÆSES!!! ^^
Hat Den Guddommelige- Kongelig spam'er
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Admin Lør Feb 16, 2008 2:44 pm
Hat Den Guddommelige skrev:Hørt i forsvaret:
-Petersen, hvad gør man hvis en kvindelig soldat smider en håndgranat efter en?
-Man trækker splitten ud, og smider den tilbage!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Admin Lør Feb 16, 2008 2:45 pm
Hat Den Guddommelige skrev:Hat Den Guddommelige skrev:The Bus Driver
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
SKAL LÆSES!!! ^^
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Admin- Admin
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 5:18 pm
jaja de er skam sjove (ALLE SOMMEN!!)
: ))
: ))
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Hat Den Guddommelige Lør Feb 16, 2008 5:19 pm
Hat Den Guddommelige skrev:jaja de er skam sjove (ALLE SAMMEN!!)
: ))
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 18, 2008 1:30 pm
Whistle While You Twurk
One day three dwarfs went walking and saw a sign for a "World Records" competition. The first one entered the 'smallest feet' contest and won. The second one entered the 'smallest hands' contest and one. The third entered the 'smallest penis' contest -- and lost. He came away, very dejected.
"What happened?" asked his friends.
"Who's Bill Clinton?"
har han en stor pik??
One day three dwarfs went walking and saw a sign for a "World Records" competition. The first one entered the 'smallest feet' contest and won. The second one entered the 'smallest hands' contest and one. The third entered the 'smallest penis' contest -- and lost. He came away, very dejected.
"What happened?" asked his friends.
"Who's Bill Clinton?"
har han en stor pik??
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 18, 2008 1:33 pm
The Golden Fiddle
A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a farmer's field. The farmer took the pilot back to the farmhouse, where the pilot noticed the farmer had a golden fiddle hanging above the fireplace. The two men were standing there talking when the farmer's wife came down the steps. The pilot couldn't believe how beautiful she was.
"How can you trust her to be here by herself all day, while you go out and work the fields?"
"I trust my wife," the farmer said. "She's never been unfaithful."
"I'll make you a little bet. If I take your wife upstairs, she'll be unfaithful. If not, you can have my plane. But, if she is, I get your fiddle."
"It's a deal." So, the pilot and the farmer's wife go upstairs. About a half hour passes, and the farmer picks up the fiddle and starts playing it.
"Be true to me, Be true to me, Be true for just one hour. Be true to me, Be true to me, And his airplane will be ours." Another fifteen minutes pass, and suddenly he sees his wife coming down the stairs. He asks her if she stayed true to him. She walked over, picked up the fiddle, started playing it.
"He kissed me on the lips, He kissed me on the tits, He kissed me in the middle. He kissed a spot that you forgot, and you lost your fucking fiddle."
...
A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a farmer's field. The farmer took the pilot back to the farmhouse, where the pilot noticed the farmer had a golden fiddle hanging above the fireplace. The two men were standing there talking when the farmer's wife came down the steps. The pilot couldn't believe how beautiful she was.
"How can you trust her to be here by herself all day, while you go out and work the fields?"
"I trust my wife," the farmer said. "She's never been unfaithful."
"I'll make you a little bet. If I take your wife upstairs, she'll be unfaithful. If not, you can have my plane. But, if she is, I get your fiddle."
"It's a deal." So, the pilot and the farmer's wife go upstairs. About a half hour passes, and the farmer picks up the fiddle and starts playing it.
"Be true to me, Be true to me, Be true for just one hour. Be true to me, Be true to me, And his airplane will be ours." Another fifteen minutes pass, and suddenly he sees his wife coming down the stairs. He asks her if she stayed true to him. She walked over, picked up the fiddle, started playing it.
"He kissed me on the lips, He kissed me on the tits, He kissed me in the middle. He kissed a spot that you forgot, and you lost your fucking fiddle."
...
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 18, 2008 1:35 pm
Mirror, mirror
A young woman with small breasts buys a finely carved mirror at an oriental antique shop; and hangs it on her bathroom door.
One morning, while getting undressed, she playfully says: "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my boobs forty-four."
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions.
Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my penis touch the floor!"
Again, there's a brilliant flash of light and, at that instant, both of his legs fall off.
A young woman with small breasts buys a finely carved mirror at an oriental antique shop; and hangs it on her bathroom door.
One morning, while getting undressed, she playfully says: "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my boobs forty-four."
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions.
Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my penis touch the floor!"
Again, there's a brilliant flash of light and, at that instant, both of his legs fall off.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 18, 2008 1:46 pm
Room 88
A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money to go to the whore house. His dad gives him 20 bucks and says, "Son, get it done. But one thing before you go, whatever you do, don't venture into Room 88." The kid agrees.
He gets to the whore house and says to the lady at the desk, "Hi, I would like to get a room."
She responds, "Sorry young man. The only room left is Room 88."
The kid, dripping with horniness, takes it despite his father's warning. When he gets up there, there is a hole in the wall. It says, "Insert cock here for pleasure." He walks over, sticks it in, and gets his cock sucked for an hour and a half and explodes inside the mystery mouth hidden behind the wall.
He gets home and tells his dad he had his dick sucked by a real pro in Room 88.
His dad turns deathly pale and cries, "Uh, oh. That was you?"
A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money to go to the whore house. His dad gives him 20 bucks and says, "Son, get it done. But one thing before you go, whatever you do, don't venture into Room 88." The kid agrees.
He gets to the whore house and says to the lady at the desk, "Hi, I would like to get a room."
She responds, "Sorry young man. The only room left is Room 88."
The kid, dripping with horniness, takes it despite his father's warning. When he gets up there, there is a hole in the wall. It says, "Insert cock here for pleasure." He walks over, sticks it in, and gets his cock sucked for an hour and a half and explodes inside the mystery mouth hidden behind the wall.
He gets home and tells his dad he had his dick sucked by a real pro in Room 88.
His dad turns deathly pale and cries, "Uh, oh. That was you?"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 18, 2008 1:47 pm
An Egyptian man is walking...
An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian pounds.
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not worth it?"
"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it."
An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian pounds.
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not worth it?"
"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it."
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 18, 2008 1:48 pm
He Goes Down with the Chilly Stuff
A man and his girlfriend go out to a bar for the evening. When they arrive, the man realizes he has to pee, so he goes into the bathroom and does his business. When he comes back, he sees a man conversing with his date.
His date looks intimidated,so he weaves his way through the tables to her, but by the time he gets there, the man is walking away. He looks at his girlfriend and asks, What did that guy want?
She looks at him and says, He said he was going to fill up my pussy with ice cream and eat it all up!
The man grows pale and grabs her arm and says, Come on, let's get out of here.
She looks surprised and asks, Aren't you going to defend me?
And he says, Sweetie, anyone who can eat that much ice cream must be a god!
A man and his girlfriend go out to a bar for the evening. When they arrive, the man realizes he has to pee, so he goes into the bathroom and does his business. When he comes back, he sees a man conversing with his date.
His date looks intimidated,so he weaves his way through the tables to her, but by the time he gets there, the man is walking away. He looks at his girlfriend and asks, What did that guy want?
She looks at him and says, He said he was going to fill up my pussy with ice cream and eat it all up!
The man grows pale and grabs her arm and says, Come on, let's get out of here.
She looks surprised and asks, Aren't you going to defend me?
And he says, Sweetie, anyone who can eat that much ice cream must be a god!
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 18, 2008 1:52 pm
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.
Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
They'll never see you coming.
What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M.
What does Kodak film have in common with condoms?
Both capture the moment.
Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary!
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each other's shoulders?
A scrotum pole!
What's the ultimate in rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Why don't debutantes go to orgies?
There'd be too many thank-you notes to write.
What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
''How come?''
What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
Two Mennonite!
Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.
Can you say three two-letter words that denote small?
Is it in?
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One... Men will screw anything.
Masse rådne..
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.
Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
They'll never see you coming.
What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M.
What does Kodak film have in common with condoms?
Both capture the moment.
Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary!
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each other's shoulders?
A scrotum pole!
What's the ultimate in rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Why don't debutantes go to orgies?
There'd be too many thank-you notes to write.
What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
''How come?''
What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
Two Mennonite!
Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.
Can you say three two-letter words that denote small?
Is it in?
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One... Men will screw anything.
Masse rådne..
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 25, 2008 10:11 am
Name That Animal, Kids
Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.
"Good job! Now, what's this animal?"
"A dog!" said Ricky.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."
"A horny bastard!" called out Eddie.
Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.
"Good job! Now, what's this animal?"
"A dog!" said Ricky.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."
"A horny bastard!" called out Eddie.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 25, 2008 10:12 am
Three Nuns
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."
The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 25, 2008 10:12 am
What's blue and fluffy?
Q: What's blue and fluffy?
A: Blue fluff.
Q: What's blue and fluffy?
A: Blue fluff.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Feb 25, 2008 10:13 am
The Wrong Way
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Tors Apr 03, 2008 1:06 pm
It's Not For Him, Stupid
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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Hat Den Guddommelige Tors Apr 03, 2008 1:08 pm
Ocean Highway Hijinx
A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp with a genie. The genie promises to grant him whatever wish he wants.
"Okay," says the man, "I would like a highway across the oceans."
"Hrm," says the genie. "Is there anyway you could wish for something smaller?"
"How 'bout three Polish women with IQs over 90?"
"How many lanes do you want for your highway?"
A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp with a genie. The genie promises to grant him whatever wish he wants.
"Okay," says the man, "I would like a highway across the oceans."
"Hrm," says the genie. "Is there anyway you could wish for something smaller?"
"How 'bout three Polish women with IQs over 90?"
"How many lanes do you want for your highway?"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Tors Apr 03, 2008 1:09 pm
Who Is God?
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Tors Apr 03, 2008 1:11 pm
Name Those Tracks
Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field one fine summer day. While following a game trail, they came across a pair of tracks. "Look! a pair of tracks" The first blonde said while pointing to the ground.
"Those are deer tracks," the other blonde replied.
"Oh no,"she said to the first, "Those are definitely moose tracks."
With this, they began to argue. In fact, they were still arguing when the train hit them.
Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field one fine summer day. While following a game trail, they came across a pair of tracks. "Look! a pair of tracks" The first blonde said while pointing to the ground.
"Those are deer tracks," the other blonde replied.
"Oh no,"she said to the first, "Those are definitely moose tracks."
With this, they began to argue. In fact, they were still arguing when the train hit them.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Tors Apr 03, 2008 1:12 pm
Optimistic Jack
Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack. Everyone in town knew Jack was very optimistic -- even if a situation was terrible, Jack could always think of a way it could be worse. Everyone in the town was tired of hearing Jack say that, so one day they decided to to lie to Jack.
"Jack, the baker Bob found his wife in bed with another man last night! He shot the man and then himself! Isn't that terrible?"
"Sure, it's terrible, but it could've been worse!"
"How could THAT possibly have been worse?"
"Well, if it had been the night before I would've been dead!"
Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack. Everyone in town knew Jack was very optimistic -- even if a situation was terrible, Jack could always think of a way it could be worse. Everyone in the town was tired of hearing Jack say that, so one day they decided to to lie to Jack.
"Jack, the baker Bob found his wife in bed with another man last night! He shot the man and then himself! Isn't that terrible?"
"Sure, it's terrible, but it could've been worse!"
"How could THAT possibly have been worse?"
"Well, if it had been the night before I would've been dead!"
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Hat Den Guddommelige Tors Apr 03, 2008 1:13 pm
Feelin' Blue
What do you call a guy with a blue penis?
A tight-fisted wanker.
What do you call a guy with a blue penis?
A tight-fisted wanker.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Tors Apr 03, 2008 1:15 pm
Traffic Lights
Why does a trafic light turn red?
If you had to change in front of everyone you'd turn red, too.
Why does a trafic light turn red?
If you had to change in front of everyone you'd turn red, too.
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Hat Den Guddommelige Man Apr 14, 2008 1:40 pm
Dog w/o Wheels
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
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